TOEFL Writing Practice 1

今度TOEFLを受けるのでその練習をアウトプットすることにした。

問題

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Art and music have a greater contribution to society than science and math.

雑なメモ

• Art and music have basis in math and science
• e.g. Composure, colours, psychological effect
• Media, Internet
• greater contributionとは, What kind of contribution?
• Art, music: deliver joy, happiness, to people (more conceptual)
• Math, science: deliver practical benefits (more concrete)

答え

時間: 40分くらい

It is impossible to result the superiority of art to science or the other way around. But today, I support that math and science have a greater contribution to society than art and music. My argument is comprised of the following three reasons. First, art and music are consumed by those who wishes to consume them but math and science will provide its benefit to everyone on the planet. Second, art and music depends on math and science in terms of psychological effect caused by the artwork which has been developed from math and science. Third, art and music needs can be consumed by people because of technology.

What does poor people do when they get free time? The answer is that they work. They need to work in order to make a living. They do not have time or money to go to art museums or listen to classical musics in the mall. This implies that people can live without art and music. On the other hand, math and science is more fundamental to people’s lives. Thanks to the development of medical technology, you can bear a baby. Thanks to the development of infrastructure, you can access water. Thanks to the development of math, you can count money.

Most of the artist of fine art use techniques derived from math and science to make their work more appealing. For example, Van Gogh used golden ratio in his work because he knew that it is the most aesthetic ratio. Musicians researched the relationship between rhythms, melody and tempo and the people’s feeling. For example, a high frequency noise may make tension, and a low frequency noise may make people relax. The process of creating an artwork always relies on math and science.

In addition, art and music needs math and science to convey themselves. Nowadays, most of the people use the internet to listen to music, or see art. This is a great advance in art and music industry because it enables people to access art whereever they are and whenever they want. If they are not posted online, most of the people will not have a chance to consume them because you need to physically move your body to get them.

For all three reasons, I think that math and science are more fundamental to human lives therefore have a greater contribution to society.

講評

議論の内容はいいかな（良くない）思うが、スピードと英語表現をもっと気をつけねば。読み返してみると何が言いたいかよくわからん文ばかり。

• It is impossible to result the superiority of art to science or the other way around.
  • なんか変
  • It is impossible to demonstrate the superiority of art and music over science and math, or the other way around.
• First, art and music are consumed by those who wishes to consume them but math and science will provide its benefit to everyone on the planet.
  • この文の意味と1st paragraph が接続してない。
  • First, it is not always the case that people need art and music to make a living. の方が通じるかも
• Second, art and music depends on math and science in terms of psychological effect caused by the artwork which has been developed from math and science.
  • 長い。
  • Second, the math and science are essential to the production of art and music.
• Third, art and music needs can be consumed by people because of technology.
  • 何が言いたいのかよくわからない
  • Third, in modern society, art and music are contingent of the internet as their media.

清書

It is impossible to demonstrate the superiority of art and music over science and math, or the other way around. But today, I support that math and science have a greater contribution to society than art and music. My argument is comprised of the following three reasons. First, it is not always the case that people need art and music to make a living. Second, math and science are essential to the production of art and music, therefore more fundamental. Third, in modern society, art and music are contingent of the internet as their media.

What do poor people do when they get free time? The answer is they don’t get any free-time. They need to work in order to make a living. They do not own the time or money to go to art museums or listen to classical musics in some concert halls. This implies that people can actually live without art and music. Of course, people live a better life with art and music because it conveys joys to people. But that is only exclusive to those who can afford it. Math and science, on the other hand, is more fundamental to people’s lives. Thanks to the development of medical technology, you can bear a baby safely. Thanks to the development of infrastructure, you can access water. Thanks to the development of math, you can count money.

Most of the painters use techniques derived from math and science to make their work more appealing. For example, Van Gogh used the golden ratio in many of his works because he knew that it is the most aesthetic ratio to human being. Musicians creates music based on the relationship between rhythms, melody, tempo and the people’s feeling. For example, a high frequency noise may make tension, and a low frequency noise may make people relax. The process of creating an artwork relies deeply on math and science.

In addition, art and music needs math and science to convey themselves. Nowadays, most of the people use the internet to listen to music, or enjoy art. For example, modern song writers post their songs on Youtube so that people can instantly listen to them. People can choose among myriads of paintings in the internet catalogs when buying one them. If it were not for the internet, artists will not have a chance to distribute their work to such many people because otherwise consumers need to attend galleries or museums to physically acquire them.

For all three reasons, I think that math and science are more fundamental to human lives therefore have a greater contribution to society.